Raising Children

7 - 7 - 7 -  A very educative piece for all parents

"On the subject of raising children, Ali ibn Abi Taalib (RA) said:

"Play with them for the first 7 years of their life, then teach them for the next 7 years; and then finally advise them for the next 7 years afterwards ."

*First 7 Years
In the first 7 years, your goal is to build a strong connection with your child. This is the foundation, the base from which your relationship with them grows. If this is rock solid, the remaining years will be much easier. If this foundation forms poorly, the next years will be more challenging.

If you have young children, this (first 7 years) is the time to roll up your sleeves and invest, heavily, in yours and their future. In fact, you will be rewarded for all the righteous progeny that survives you, not just children, until the Day of Judgement.

*Next 7 Years
Once children reach 7, they are ready to learn. This is the time they are sponges, ready to soak up anything and everything you tell them, teach them, show them, and do in front of them. If you built that solid foundation in ages 0-7, they are now more than willing and happy to learn from you.

This is the time to teach them everything — aqeedah, halaal and haraam, fiqh, all the things they need to know to survive throughout their life. Qur’an and seerah are also very important; as one prominent tabi’een said, “we learned seerah (frequently and in details) from our parents the way we learned Qur’an.”

Teach them sports too, Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Teach your children Swimming, Archery and Horseback riding.” They gain many benefits from it, including physical fitness, learning teamwork, and sportsmanship.

*The Final 7 Years
Once your children hit 14, they are probably already mukallaf (full adults Islamically, and accountable for their actions) — this happens at puberty, or at age 15 at the latest.

At this age, you are mostly out of the picture. Children achieve independence; their personalities manifest; they look more to their peers than their parents and families. During these critical years, befriend them, advise them, and do what you can; understand that they are now full adults, and the choices are theirs to make, right or wrong.

If you worked hard during the last two periods of 7 years, you will already be that trusted confidant, that advisor, that go-to person when they need help or advice. Be part of their lives, and advise them as best you can.

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The price of peace (at home)

Some write ups are indeed full of lessons , this one is not an exception ,Thanks Efe for this ....

THE PRICE OF PEACE  (At HOME)
By Mute Efe

Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the TV on therefore increases the television bill.

That attitude of his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in the marriage.

Then one day the Holy Spirit asked him, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of fifty dollars is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”

Unlike me, my wife is not a morning person. I can wake up by 2:00am, work till 5:00am, go back to bed and still get up by 6:00am and start my day. For my wife, I literally have to drag her out of bed in the morning. Her day begins only after she has had her bath.

In some homes, the wife is the one who goes to the kitchen to heat up water for the family to bathe. I guess it comes naturally with women. In my home, heaven help me if I wait for my wife to do that. I will wait for a long time. So I have resolved to make that my responsibility.

Even with the kids I will still have to be the one doing that in the morning because my wife is not a morning person. If that is the price I have to pay for peace to be in my home, it is worth it. We are talking about the price of peace.

One of my friends shared with me how his wife will never monitor the fuel gauge when driving. It is when the car finally stops that she realizes the car has run out of fuel. Guess who she will call? The husband. He will have to be the one to sort out the problem.

After several of such calls he had to find a way around it. He ensures the fuel tank is full at the beginning of the week which will take the wife through the week. That way he does not get any phone call that the car has stopped. It is the price of peace for him.

When I was working on this article I requested that people share some of the prices they have had to pay to maintain peace in their homes. I got a lot of responses that revealed that no marriage is perfect. The reason we see certain marriages as better than ours is because the parties in those marriages are ready to pay certain prices to maintain peace in their homes.

Let me share a few of the responses I got.

"In my home I just have to tolerate my husband’s attitude. He has this habit of talking over issues repeatedly. He can talk, talk and talk when a situation happens and will nag you till you fall over. So to allow peace what I do is try and keep my mouth shut. No argument, no talking back or simply walk away so that peace can reign."
-Onoh Omoyibo Osianene

"I usually don't turn off the lights in a room when I'm done using it. At the beginning of my marriage hubby will tell me to always make sure I do that when exiting the room, but after correcting me several times without change, he decided to just check back anytime I leave a room and will help turn the lights off. He just stopped complaining and started helping me do it. Eventually, I had to determine in myself to be more aware and I've gotten better doing that.
-Olubusola Awosanya,

"My wife has a thing for matchsticks. After using one, she keeps it for 'emergency'. This act irritates me. No matter how long we discuss this (more than 9 years now) she still does. So I decided to dispose them and then I offer her a fresh one should an 'emergency' arise."
-Joseph Shodunke

"I don't pressurize my husband to do or not to do anything, especially something he really wants to, or really doesn't want to do. Putting pressure on him will only irritate him. I keep quiet and I pray instead. That way, I have peace and also get what I want. On the other hand, my husband will always hang the mosquito nets, switch off the lights and unplug my phones, because I always sleep off. He has stopped complaining. He will do the job instead."
-Paulina Saviour Inyang

Those were just a few of the several responses I got about the price of peace that people are paying in their homes. A lot of other people were encouraged when they saw that they were not alone. You think you are the only one having an issue until you listen to others.

Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like for the sake of peace. If it is not too high a price then why not just do it and move on with our lives? Not every battle is worth fighting.

That is why it is important to be able to lead yourself because for these people whose reports we just read you find that either they or their spouses took responsibility for peace. That is part of what personal leadership is about.

I could have picked a fight with my wife for refusing to get up from the bed in the morning. Joseph could have picked a fight with his wife for that thing with the matchsticks. Busola’s husband could have picked a fight with her for always forgetting to turn off the lights. But personal leadership helped us to take the other route thereby maintaining peace in our homes.

Now this does not mean you will never have to correct each other in the relationship or continually be in endurance mode throughout the marriage especially when it has to do with abuse. That is a completely different matter. You don’t endure abuse. But instead of fighting over why your spouse always presses the toothpaste tube from the middle, why not buy a second one so you have yours and he has his and both of you have peace? Has that not solved the problem?

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Why Do Muslims Fast on 9th and 10th of Muharram

Why do Muslims fast on 9th and 10th Muharram?

We fast because it is the Sunnah of our Prophet Mohammad (SWT). He fasted due to the following:

When the Prophet emigrated to Madina he found the Jews fasting on the 10th of Muharram (the 1st month), who in were fasting because their Prophet Moses (AS) fasted in gratitude of Allah for saving him and his followers from the Pharaoh. There upon he started to fast as well and ordered the Muslims to fast too.

When the Prophet came to Medina, he found (the Jews) fasting on the day of 'Ashura' (i.e. 10th of Muharram). They used to say: "This is a great day on which Allah saved Moses and drowned the folk of Pharaoh. Moses observed the fast on this day, as a sign of gratitude to Allah." The Prophet said, "I am closer to Moses than they." So, he observed the fast (on that day) and ordered the Muslims to fast on it. "   - Narrated by Ibn Abbas (Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith - 4.609)

The next year, fasting was made mandatory by Allah in the month of Ramadan - the 9th month - thus the fast for 10th Muharram became non-obligatory yet remained important as the Prophet continued to keep fast on this day outside of Ramadan. He fasted on other days as well but this was one of the days when he recommended others fast too. 

أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ‏ ‏رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ ‏ ‏قَالَ ‏ 
‏قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ‏ ‏صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ‏ ‏أَفْضَلُ الصِّيَامِ بَعْدَ رَمَضَانَ شَهْرُ اللَّهِ الْمُحَرَّمُ
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased  with him) said: Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him)  said, “The best time to fast after Ramadan is Allah’s month - Muharram

In the 10th year of his stay in Madina, the Prophet (SWT) said: "If I live, then IA next year I will  fast on both 9th and 10th Muharram as we should fast differently from  the Jews" 

Imam At-Tirmidhi  reported that Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them both) used to  say: We should fast on two days: the 9th and 10th of Muharram to  distinguish ourselves from the Jewish community. (At-Tirmidhi, Hadith  686)

As we all know our Prophet (SWT) passed away the same year, so the companions  decided to start fasting on 9th and 10th Muharram and later ullema decreed that  10th and 11th are equally correct and they said fasting only on 10th as Makruh (not favourable). However if one is not well or has  some other problem then he should fast only on the 10th of Muharram i.e. Ashura, and not leave  this all important roza as there is great reward for itThe importance of the fast on this day can be seen from the following hadith   (the relevant section has been highlighted):

Someone came to the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) and said: How do you observe fast? The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) felt annoyed.  When Umar noticed his annoyance, he said: We are well pleased with Allah as our Lord, with Islam as our Code of Life, and with Muhammad as our Prophet. We seek refuge with Allah from the anger of Allah and that of His Messenger. Umar continued repeating these words till his (the Prophet's) anger calmed down.  Then Umar said: Messenger of Allah, what is the position of one who perpetually observes fasts? Thereupon he said: He neither fasted nor broke it, or he said: He fasted for two days and broke one day. Thereupon he said: Is anyone capable of doing it?  He (Umar) said: What is the position of him who observes a fast for one day and breaks it on the other day? Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet)said: That is the fast of David (peace be upon him).  He (Umar) said: What about him who observes fast one day and breaks it for two days. Thereupon he (the Messenger of Allah) said: I wish I were given the strength to observe that. Then he said: The observance of three days' fast every month and that of Ramadan every year is a perpetual fasting. I seek from Allah that fasting on the day of Arafah may atone for the sins of the preceding and the coming years, and I seek from Allah that fasting on the day of Ashura may atone for the sins of the preceding year.- Narrated by Abu Qatadah (Sahih Muslim Hadith - 564)

Source: https://www.quora.com/Why-do-Muslims-fast-on-9th-and-10th-Muharram

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Dhul Hijjah 2017.

We’ve been blessed with several opportunities to reap Allah’s rewards and blessings through the Islamic year. Here is another opportunity…

Alhamdulillahi, it has been reported that tomorrow, Wednesday 23rd August, 2017, is 1st Dhul Hijjah, 1438A.H.

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (sallaAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “There are no days on which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these ten days.” They said: “Not even jihad for the sake of Allah?” He said: “Not even jihad for the sake of Allah, unless a man goes out himself for jihad taking his wealth with him and does not come back with anything.” (Bukhari)

So, during the first ten days of this blessed month, we should strive to do more righteous deeds including:

°Fasting

°Seeking forgiveness and making sincere repentance

°Reading and reflecting more on the meaning of the Qur’an

°Increasing remembrance of Allah

°Giving more charity

°Praying for the Muslim Ummah

And many more...

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Fragrances In Islam

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) liked aromatic things and perfume, he used them himself and recommended their use to others. On waking up he would relieve himself, perform Wudhu, and apply fragrance on his clothing. If fragrance was presented to him, he would never refuse it. He would use perfume at night too, especially on Fridays for Jumu'ah prayers.

Naf'i (may Allah be pleased with him) said that ibn 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) would at times burn only 'Ud and at times he would use 'Ud and Camphor and say, 'The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would do this.'
To use any fragrance that burns like incense sticks or loban is permissible. If you burn these with the intention of the Sunnah then you will be rewarded for that . The Scholars say that 'Ud opens the clogs and does away with gas; it also dries away unnecessary moisture while strengthening the intestines and brings relief and comfort to the heart. It helps the mind, sharpens the senses, constipates and helps relieve the enuresis, bed wetting that result from coldness of the prostrate.

'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that she used to perfume the Messenger of Allah's (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) with the best scent available until he saw the shine of the scent on his head and bear.

Natural smell
A sweet fragrance was naturally emitted from the blessed body of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace). In a narration Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) says that, 'I did not smell anything more fragrant than the fragrance of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace). The fragrance was better than Amber and Musk'. Subhanallah!

Jabir Ibn Samura (may Allah be pleased with him) said that, 'The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) touched my cheek and I felt a cool sensation and his hand were scented. It was as if he had taken his hand from a bag of perfumes.'
Subhanallah! This was the natural fragrant from the Prophet's (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) hands.

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) slept on a rug in the house of Anas (may Allah be please with him) and being very warm he perspired. Anas's (may Allah be pleased with him) mother brought a long necked bottle in which to put his blessed perspiration. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) asked her about this. She said, 'We put it in our perfume and it is the most fragrant of scents.' Subhanallah!

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) states that, 'I have never smelt any 'Itr or fragrance better than the fragrance of the Messenger of Allah's (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) blessed perspiration.'

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) states that when a companion would desire to visit the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) and would not find him, they would track him by his fragrance in the streets.

Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) said that, 'When the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) went down the road, anyone who had followed him knew that he had passed that way because of his scent.'

If the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) shook hands with a man, his beautiful scent would remain on that man's hand for the rest of the day, and if he placed his hand on the head of a child, that child would stand out from others by virtue of his sweet fragrance.

Umme Salma (may Allah be pleased with her) reported to have said, 'When the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) left this world I placed my hand on his chest. Many weeks have passed and I eat and wash this hand yet the fragrance still remains. Subhanallah!

Spend a third on 'Itr
'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) used to say that, 'Whoever spends a third of his wealth on 'Itr is not being extravagant.'

So, dear readers , let us keep up the act of using nice fragrances , enjoy.

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To The Father Of Girls

Chef d'eouvre To the father of girls

It is said about the girl child:
"A man is still infertile in his offsprings until he is blessed with female children even if he has hundred males"

Zakiyyu Mubarak said:
"Whenever I'm sick, only Kareemah (his daughter) would ask after me. My male children would not"

In the girl children there is indulgence, no one knows it except the one who have them."

The Arab used to congratulate the one who who gave birth to girl :
"Congratulations on the (coming of) receptacle of good fragrance"

( perhaps before their Shaytan whispered to them to be burying them alive or among those who were not part of such barbarism- emphasis mine!)

Ya'qub Bint Bakhtan said: I have seven girls and each time a girl child is born to me I would visit Ahmad Bn Hanbal and he would say to me :

"O Abu Yusuf! Prophets of Allah are fathers of girls" and that would take away all my worry

It is said:
Having a male child is a favour while female is a means to righteous deeds.
Allah calls one to account for favour and reward for righteous deeds.

A poet said:

Girls are treasure of mercy
And repository of true love and fidelity

A girl child is an ornament, embodiment of companionship and happiness for the one who treats her well

From: Shaykh Muhammad Umar Bazmool

Translated by: Kamal Ahmed.

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WHAT IS HALAL AND HARAM MEAT

WHAT IS HALAL MEAT?

We have a very wrong understanding about the meaning of halal slaughter. I was asked by a non muslim professor once what makes a meat halal and i didn't know an explanation and was embarrassed, but gave a vague answer saying that we say the prayer before we cut, that makes it halal. I came back and went through hadiths and articles written by muslim scholars and finally came to an understanding. I am going to explain it in a scientific way so that InshaAllah in the future u will be prepared if anyone asks you the same.

WHAT MAKES A MEAT HALAL OR HARAM??

Ans: it is the undrained blood that contaminates the meat, which  makes it haram.
What non-muslim butchers do is completely chop of the head as a result of which the connection between the brain and the heart is lost hence the heart stops pumping/beating almost instantaneously, therefore there is no driving force to push the blood out of the body. As a result of this the blood stagnates in the veins and arteries and contaminates the meat. Scientifically blood is one of the best culture mediums to grow bacteria. Consuming meat contaminated with blood makes humans more vulnerable to infections and joint pains. (Joint pains because of high uric acid levels in blood)

SO WHAT IS THE HALAL WAY??

Ans: we do not chop off the head completely, but instead we cut the main vein (jugular vein) in the neck first. This vein contains venous blood in high pressure and it directly connects to the atrium of the heart without any interference. This method of slaughtering preserves the connection between the brain and the heart which allows neural transmissions to be delivered. This keeps the heart pumping/beating until all the blood is drained off completely from every vein and artery in the body making the meat pure and thus halal. SUBHANALLAH.

SO THE NEXT QUESTION IS WHAT MAKES FISH HALAL EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT SLAUGHTERED THIS WAY??

Ans: Allah SWT has created fish in such a way that the moment it is removed from water the entire blood in its body is redirected to a part called the epiglottis in its mouth which turns bright red thus indicating that the blood is drained and the meat is pure. SUBHANALLAH

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