QUESTION:
Please how are we to sex our wives in accordance to the SUNNAH?
And is it permissible to suck(her breasts) and finger (touch her sexual organ to stimulate her) ?
BISMILLAH
This is a very important topic in our lives as Muslims but unfortunately most of our scholars and alims fail to talk about it due to shyness or its sensitivity.
It's not something to be talked about in the mosque with a microphone so you barely hear our preachers talking about it.
To answer this question, I will first get some points clear and then provide Hadiths and ayahs to back it later on.
🔴 ✅It's very important to get your wife aroused before penetration
That's what's called FOREPLAY because the prophet had talked about it.
So this is where caressing, kissing, the sucking of nipples and fingering comes in.
🔴❌Anal sex. Is highly forbidden in Islam
Period❗
🔴⛔Oral sex is undesired and disliked but not haram.
Health-wise, oral sex could be dangerous sometimes. Women have active and unharmful vaginal bacterials and natural PH(potency of hydrogen) within their genitals which makes it not sound for that place to be licked by the tongue or mouth. This varies from woman to woman regarding the nature and hygiene level.
However, the clitoris could be carefully licked by the tongue but this should be done right after bath and not to be done deeply but don't forget that it is highly disliked and undesired by some scholars though there are other views that supports and allows that so opinions vary on this matter.
Felacio/fellatio or the sucking of the male genital organ by the woman is also considered to be unharmful by medical practitioners and acceptable in Islam although opinions vary with regards to this. Bathing and being clean is the first thing to consider before carrying on with it.
So with this, individual desires, conditions, hygiene and personal health conditions counts.
🔴❌ Intercourse during menses is very bad and haram to the highest level.
🔴✅ Yes, sexual positions are allowed so far as its in the right place (vagina).
You can try doggy style, spooning and the others if you like instead of sticking to the well known missionary position.
✳Now let's talk about foreplay
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah
There are no rules and laws in foreplay as to how it should be done. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual consent and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only limitation to this general rule would be any Shariah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.
Foreplay is Highly Recommended
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).”
🔻 1 Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet (S) said, “Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.”
🔻 2 Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.”
🔻 3 As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams (A.S.) have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir says,
“The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again.”
This means that it's not good for a woman to feel shy when playing with her husband.
If you are a Malama, when it comes to that, forget about your Malama things and "open fire"
Don't come near your husband in the night with a hijab or a niqab or some rough dressing. The decent dressing you wear when out is no longer "decent" at that moment. when you return to your husband in the night, put that away, wear tight, short, transparent dresses or go nude. Simple.
🔻 4 After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.
These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse.
🔻 5 The operative words is mutual pleasure and satisfaction is very important. "Talk nasty and sound silly for each other"
😊✌🏾
✳Techniques of Foreplay
As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other’s body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, is allowed though some scholars say it's undesired or disliked. Imam Musa al-Kazim was once asked, “Can a person kiss his wife’s vagina?” The Imam said, “No problem.”
🔻6 The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. The restriction on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. ‘Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested ‘Ubaydullah to ask Imam ‘Ali ar-Reza (A.S.) about it. When ‘Ubaydullah asked the Imam (A.S.) about it, the Imam (A.S.) said, “There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her.”
🔴CAUTION: Brother, if your fingers are not clean, don't do that. It's disgusting to see some brothers with long nails, where did we learn that as Muslims?
Anyway before you think of fingering her, get your hands clean and nails very short.
🔻7 Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one’s own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband’s penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife’s vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come under “self-stimulation”; it is stimulation by a lawful partner.
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Let's talk about two ayahs from SURATUL BAQARAH and some Hadiths which answers the question completely.
🔵QURAN 2:222-223🔵
"They ask you about menstruation. "Tell them: This is a discomfort; therefore, keep away from women (do not have sexual intercourse with them) during their menstrual periods until they are clean again. When they have cleansed themselves then you may approach them in the manner Allah has enjoined for you. Surely Allah loves those who turn to Him in repentance and keep themselves clean"
"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers.
Allah said:
Your wives are a tilth for you,)
Ibn `Abbas commented, "Meaning the place of pregnancy.'' Allah then said:
(...so go to your tilth, when or how you will,) meaning, wherever you wish from the front or from behind, as long as sex takes place in one valve (the female sexual organ), as the authentic Hadiths have indicated.
For instance, Al-Bukhari recorded that Ibn Al-Munkadir said that he heard Jabir say that the Jews used to claim that if one has sex with his wife from behind (in the vagina) the offspring would become cross-eyed. Then, this Ayah was revealed:
(Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will,)
Muslim and Abu Dawud also reported this Hadith.
Ibn Abu Hatim said that Muhammad bin Al-Munkadir narrated that Jabir bin `Abdullah told him that the Jews claimed to the Muslims that if one has sex with their wife from behind (in the vagina) their offspring will become cross-eyed. Allah revealed afterwards:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will,)
Ibn Jurayj (one of the reporters of the Hadith) said that Allah's Messenger said:
From the front or from behind, as long as that occurs in the Farj (vagina).)
Imam Ahmad recorded that Ibn `Abbas said, "The Ayah,
Your wives are a tilth for you) was revealed about some people from the Ansar who came to the Prophet and asked him (about having sex with the wife from behind). He said to them:
"Have sex with her as you like as long as that occurs in the vagina"
Imam Ahmad recorded that `Abdullah bin Sabit said: I went to Hafsah bint `Abdur-Rahman bin Abu Bakr and said, "I wish to ask you about something, but I am shy.'' She said, "Do not be shy, O my nephew.'' He said, "About having sex from behind with women.'' She said, "Umm Salamah told me that the Ansar used to refrain from having sex from behind (in the vagina). The Jews claimed that those who have sex with their women from behind would have offspring with crossed-eyes. When the Muhajirun came to Al-Madinah, they married Ansar women and had sex with them from behind. One of these women would not obey her husband and said, `You will not do that until I go to Allah's Messenger (and ask him about this matter). ' She went to Umm Salamah and told her the story. Umm Salamah said, `Wait until Allah's Messenger comes.' When Allah's Messenger came, the Ansari woman was shy to ask him about this matter, so she left. Umm Salamah told Allah's Messenger the story and he said:
"Summon the Ansari woman''
She was summoned and he recited this Ayah to her:
"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will. He added:
Only in one valve (the vagina).)''
This Hadith was also collected by At-Tirmidhi who said, it's a Hasan Hadith.
An-Nasa'i reported that Ka`b bin `Alqamah said that Abu An-Nadr said that he asked Nafi`, "The people are repeating the statement that you relate from Ibn `Umar that he allowed sex with women in their rear (anus).'' He said, "They have said a lie about me. But let me tell you what really happened. Ibn `Umar was once reciting the Qur'an while I was with him and he reached the Ayah:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will,) He then said, `O Nafi`! Do you know the story behind this Ayah' I said, `No.' He said, `We, the people of Quraysh, used to have sexual intercourse with our wives from the back (in the vagina) {➖that's likely the doggy style➖}. When we migrated to Al-Madinah and married some Ansari women, we wanted to do the same with them. They disliked it and made a big issue out of it. The Ansari women had followed the practice of the Jews who have sex with their women while they lay on their sides. Then, Allah revealed:
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will,)''
The "when and how" that Allah said in the ayah means whenever convenient or anytime you feel the need to and that also indicate that from any position, either from the front, back, sideways or and position so far as its not in the anus but the vagina.
This has an authentic chain of narrators.
Imam Ahmad reported that Khuzaymah bin Thabit Al-Khatami narrated that Allah's Messenger said:
Allah does not shy from the truth - he said it thrice-, do not have anal sex with women.)
This Hadith was collected by An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah.
Abu `Isa At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i reported that Ibn `Abbas narrated that Allah's Messenger said:
Allah does not look at a man who had anal sex with another man or a woman.)
At-Tirmidhi said, "Hasan Gharib.'' This is also the narration that Ibn Hibban collected in his Sahih, while Ibn Hazm stated that this is an authentic Hadith.
In addition, Imam Ahmad reported that `Ali bin Talaq said, "Allah's Messenger forbade anal sex with women, for Allah does not shy away from truth.'' Abu `Isa At-Tirmidhi also reported this Hadith and said, "Hasan''.
Abu Muhammad `Abdullah bin `Abdur-Rahman Darimi reported in his Musnad that Sa`id bin Yasar Abu Hubab said: I said to Ibn `Umar, "What do you say about having sex with women in the rear'' He said, "What does it mean'' I said, "Anal sex.'' He said, "Does a Muslim do that?'' This Hadith has an authentic chain of narrators and is an explicit rejection of anal sex from Ibn `Umar.
Abu Bakr bin Ziyad Naysaburi reported that Isma`il bin Ruh said that he asked Malik bin Anas, "What do you say about having sex with women in the anus'' He said, "You are not an Arab Sex does not occur but in the place of pregnancy so do it only in the Farj (vagina).'' I said, "O Abu `Abdullah! They say that you allow that practice.'' He said, "They utter a lie about me, they lie about me.'' This is Malik's firm stance on this subject. It is also the view of Sa`id bin Musayyib, Abu Salamah, `Ikrimah, Tawus, `Ata , Sa`id bin Jubayr, `Urwah bin Az-Zubayr, Mujahid bin Jabr, Al-Hasan and other scholars of the Salaf (the Companions and the following two generations after them). They all, along with the majority of the scholars, harshly rebuked the practice of anal sex and many of them called this practice a Kufr.
Allah said:
(. ..and send for your own selves beforehand.) meaning, by performing the acts of worship while refraining from whatever Allah has prohibited for you. This is why Allah said afterwards:
And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter),)
meaning, He will hold you accountable for all of your deeds,
and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad ).) meaning, those who obey what Allah has commanded and refrain from what He has prohibited. Ibn Jarir reported that `Ata' said, or related it to Ibn `Abbas,
...and send for your own selves beforehand.) means, mention Allah's Name, by saying, `Bismillah', before having sexual intercourse.'' Al-Bukhari also reported that Ibn `Abbas narrated that Allah's Messenger said:
If anyone of you on having sexual relations with his wife said: `In the Name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e., the coming offspring) from Satan,' and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm him.)
Allah's Apostle said, "If anyone of you, when intending to have a sexual relation (sleep) with his wife, says: Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna ash-Shaitan, wa Jannib ash-Shaitana ma razaqtana and Satan would never harm that child, should it be ordained that they will have one. (Because of that sleep)."
Bukhari
After all that, Allah has warned us and also forgave us in case we did something wrong unintentionally
224. And make not Allah's (Name) an excuse in your oaths against doing good and acting piously, and making peace among mankind. And Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower (i.e., do not swear much and if you have sworn against doing something good then give an expiation for the oath and do good)
225. Allah will not call you to account for that which is unintentional in your oaths, but He will call you to account for that which your hearts have earned. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most-Forbearing.)
And Allah knows best.