Don't Give False Hope

*DON'T GIVE FALSE HOPE.*

It happens that at times a person develops interest in another person and decides to make his/her mind known to the other party. This is allowed especially when both parties are marriageable and ready.

Meanwhile, when a proposal is submitted to you, it's a *"yes"* or *"no"* reply. If you are interested in the person, a *"yes"* suffices in wordings and actions and if you are not interested, a *"no"* does it all. There's nothing of such reply as *"though I'm not interested, but let me play along and see if I can cope"*.

This happens especially when a proposal is brought to a person directly from the other party and he/she in his/her mind decides to *play along* knowing fully that he has nothing in mind for the other party. This is a false hope and a promise that won't be fulfilled because once you meet the one you are interested in, you'll then find a means of dropping and ignoring the one you gave false hope.
This is an action of hypocrisy.

I therefore say that you should never give any hope to anybody you have no interest in. Don't ever say "let's see how it goes" when the feeling is not there at all. In the same vein, when you are not ready, even if you are both interested in each other, I suggest that you both keep it and be normal till Allah opens His door for you both.

Know! If you do otherwise, you may end up engaging in Haraam which is punishable in the sight of Allah.

Therefore, give no false hope and keep your head straight.

I ask Allah to grant us success in this Dunya and Aakhirah.

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People of the Sunnah

People of the Sunnah Be  Kind to  One Another.

    The Solution to the Current Fitnah of (Tajreeh) Defaming People and (Hajr) Ostracizing Them That is Coming From Some of the People of Ahl-us-Sunnah of Our Time*

The way to end this fitnah is as follows: Firstly:  Regarding (the  problems)  related to (Tajreeh) defaming one another and (Tahdheer) warning against one another,  the following points should be observed:
1.  Anyone who has busied himself  with defaming the scholars and the students of knowledge  and warning against them  should fear Allah.  And *instead, he should busy himself with looking for  his own faults  so  that he might get rid of them instead of busying himself with the faults  of others.*
     And he should endeavor to keep his  good  deeds from being given to those he has distressed by defaming them and maligning their character.  After  all, he will be in more need of his good deeds than anyone else on the Day when neither wealth nor sons will avail,  except him who brings to Allah a clean heart.74

2.  Instead of busying himself with defaming others and  warning  against them, he should busy himself striving  hard  to  obtaining  beneficial knowledge  that  will  benefit him as well as others. One of the best things that a person can do –if he is able –  is  to  busy  himself  with  knowledge; learning it, and teaching it, and calling to it, and writing about it,  so that he might be from the people who build things up. 
       And he should not busy himself  with  defaming the scholars and the students of knowledge from Ahl-us-Sunnah, cutting off the pathway to benefiting from them,  and  thereby  becoming  one of   the people who tear things down!  The  person who busies  himself with defaming others in this way does not leave behind  any  beneficial knowledge  when  he  dies. And when he dies, the people do not lose a knowledgeable person that was of benefit to them, rather as a result  of his death they simply become safe from his evil!

3.  The students from Ahl-us-Sunnah  in every place  should turn themselves away (from this fitnah)  and busy themselves with knowledge;  reading beneficial books, and listening to  the  audio  tapes  of the  scholars  of Ahl-us-Sunnah, like Shaykh ibn Baaz and Shaykh ibn ‘Uthaymeen,  instead  of busying themselves calling such and such person or  such  and  such  person  in order to ask: “What is your opinion about such and  such  person  or  such  and such person.” or “What is your opinion about the statement of such and such person or such and such person.”
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73 And  Allah  disapproves  for  you  (qeela  wa qaala) talking about  what  was said  and what  somebody  said. Refer once again to  the  hadeeth  on page 10 please.

74  Refer to  Surah Ash-Shu’ara:  88-89. 
............................................40

4.  When the  students of  knowledge want  to ask  about the condition of other (students of  knowledge or scholars), then they *should refer their question  to  the  headquarters of The Permanent Committee for Islamic Research and  Fataawa  in Riyadh* in order to ask about them.  After  all,  are these the people who are returned to for fataawa  and knowledge or  not? *And whoever  has any information about the ( لﺎ لﺎ) condition  of specific  people, then it  is possible  for him  to write a letter to the headquarters of The Permanent Committee for Islamic Research and Fataawa*, explaining to them what he knows about them  so that they might look into it. That way,  if  there is any (Tajreeh) or (Tahdheer)  warning  against  someone, then it comes from those who are returned  to  and  depended  upon for fataawa, and from those who knowledge is taken from. And there can be no doubt that the proper place to  turn  to  for fataawa in these matters is the same place that should be returned to in order to find out from whom fataawa should be  sought.  And from  whom  should we seek knowledge?  *Furthermore,  no one  should try to establish himself as  the  one who is returned to for these important matters!*  Because,  from the good Islam of a person is his leaving off that which does not concern him!75

Secondly: Regarding (the problems) related to the writing of refutations against those who have made a mistake,  the following points  should  be observed:

1.  A refutation should only be made for  clear mistakes  and then the refutation should be made  utilizing  kindness and gentleness, and with a strong desire for the person to  be  free  of  the  mistake.  The refutations made by Shaykh ibn Baaz (rahimahullaah) should be referred to in order to learn the proper way of making a refutation.
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75  Here the distinguished author is  referring to  a   hadeeth  narrated upon the authority  of Abu Hurairah (τ) who said  that the Messenger of  Allah  (ρ) said: .
    “From the good Islam of a person is his leaving off that which does not concern him.” [Narrated by  Imam  At-Tirmidhi  and  authenticated by Shaykh  Al-Albaani in  Saheeh  Sunan At-Tirmidhi  (Vol. 2, page 530-531, # 2317

People of the Sunnah Be  Kind to  One Another

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DECEASED PARENTS

Bismillahi Rahmonir Raheem

DECEASED PARENTS

When a parent passes away remember that you have begun a new phase of birr (dutifulness) to that parent.

Birr after death is the trust and most sincere forms of birr because birr during their lifetime could be tainted with show-off, being polite (as opposed to sincere) and expecting praise from the parents or others. As for after their death, then only Allah hears and sees you.

A deceased parent is in greater need of his/her children - even more than when they the parent was alive. What children do for the parents during the parent's lifetime is for the worldly needs.

But after death only Allah knows what good and bad is in store for the deceased in the grave.

Du'a - i.e., supplication to Allah - for rahmah (mercy), asking Allah to shower the deceased with His mercy is invaluable for the deceased.

Through the child's Du'a,  Allah - with His grace and mercy - enlightens the grave removing the darkness and expands  the grave thus removing the suffering. And Allah makes the grave a garden from the gardens of Paradise for the deceased.

Therefore, always remember your deceased parent/s, and always ask Allah to shower them with His mercy, enlighten their grave and expand it.

For example as you are about have a meal think about the many wonderful meals your mother had prepared for you and how she looked after you all your life. Your heart will surely soften and at that point, let it drive you to offer a similar meal to an orphan, widow, divorced or needy person on behalf of your deceased parent, begging of Allah to reward them for it. Give charity on their behalf, recalling the many favours they did for you.

Never forget parents. No matter how harsh they may have been with you, only Allah knows the love they had in their hearts for you.

Remember them in your Du'a during sujood - the prostration - between the adhaan - the call for prayer - and the iqamah - the in-masjid call for prayer just a minute before congregational prayer, and in every act of worship and at all times. 

Give charity on their behalf privately, wipe away the tears of orphans, widows and divorced (through charity) on behalf of your parents, quench the thirst of the thirsty on their behalf (by having a well dug, for example).

Go out of your way to be the best child to your parents for they have sacrificed much to raise you.

This is the Du'a for parents:

*رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا*
*Rabb-ir-ham-huma kama rabbayaani sagheera* {Quran surah 17, verse 24}

Translation :
'My Lord .. Bestow thy mercy on my parent/s as they cherished and raised me in my childhood'

Lastly let us teach our children about this Du'a for one day we all shall need it.

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Pleasure Of The Night

*Pleasure of the Night*

It was the practice of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal, to stop teaching a student of knowledge who does not pray in the night.
Abu Ismah spent the night at his home one day and Imam Ahmad brought him water for ablution. When he came to wake him before the adhaan of Fajr, he found Abu Ismah asleep and the water unused. He then woke him and asked: O Abu Ismah, what has brought you?
He replied: I came to learn the Hadith.
Imam Ahmad said: how can you learn Hadith while you do not do tahajjud at night?! Go back where you came from.

Imam Ash Shafi'ee used to say: a scholar is supposed to have some special good deed that is strictly between and Allaah.

And Aliyu bin Bakkar said: for forty years nothing will make me sad except the coming of the dawn.
Fudhail bin Iyaadh said: I take pleasure in the darkness to be alone with my Lord, and when night ends I become sad because people will interrupt me.

Abu Sulaiman Ad Daaraany said: the people of the night (prayer) in their nights find more pleasure than that found by sports fans in their sports, and were it not for the night (prayer) I will not wish to remain in this world.

Ibn Al Munkadir: nothing of pressure remains on earth except 3 - standing in the night, meeting brothers, and prayer in congregation.
One of the scholars said: the coming of the night for the devotees is like the gown of Yusuf on the eyelids of Yaqub

The night prayer is a solace and an enjoyment unknown to all except those who draw close.
[He who tastes understands,
   And he who understands becomes enamored]
Ya Allaah, make us to be among them!

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Virtues of Voluntary Fasting

*Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Fasting three days of each month is fasting for a lifetime, and Ayaam Al-Beed are the thirteenth, fourteenth and fifteenth.” ✔(Al-Nasaa’i )*

*(Three White Days Fasting)*
*Fasting Ayyaam Al-Beed:“Beed” is the plural of“Abyad”which means white. Three days of 13, 14 and 15 of lunar month are called “Al-Ayyaam-ul-Beed” for the reason that their nights are bright becauseof the moonlight. The moon begins to diminish gradually afterthese days

*Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Fasting three days of each month is fasting for a lifetime, and Ayaam Al-Beed are the thirteenth, fourteenth and fifteenth.” ✔(Al-Nasaa’i)
*Virtues of the fasting*

*It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:* *“My close friend [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)] advised me to do three things which I will not give up until I die:* *fasting three days of each month, praying Duha, and sleeping after Witr.*
*✔(Bukhari and Muslim)*

*The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Indeed, anyone who fasts a day in Allah's cause (for Allah's Pleasure) Allah will keep his face away from the (Hell) fire for (a distance covered by a journey of) seventy years." ✔(Bukhari)*
[31/12 3:03 pm] ‪+229 98 66 75 48‬: 👇
*If for any reason you may not be able to fast, you might be immensely rewarded by the fasting of the one you'll forward this to!*

*Let's sincerely repent and seek forgiveness as Allah (SWT) love to forgive.*

*May Allah (SWT) Accept Our Voluntary Fasting As An Acts Of Ibadaah (Worship) With Reward Of Jannatul Firdaus. *AllahumaAmin*

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Raising Children

7 - 7 - 7 -  A very educative piece for all parents

"On the subject of raising children, Ali ibn Abi Taalib (RA) said:

"Play with them for the first 7 years of their life, then teach them for the next 7 years; and then finally advise them for the next 7 years afterwards ."

*First 7 Years
In the first 7 years, your goal is to build a strong connection with your child. This is the foundation, the base from which your relationship with them grows. If this is rock solid, the remaining years will be much easier. If this foundation forms poorly, the next years will be more challenging.

If you have young children, this (first 7 years) is the time to roll up your sleeves and invest, heavily, in yours and their future. In fact, you will be rewarded for all the righteous progeny that survives you, not just children, until the Day of Judgement.

*Next 7 Years
Once children reach 7, they are ready to learn. This is the time they are sponges, ready to soak up anything and everything you tell them, teach them, show them, and do in front of them. If you built that solid foundation in ages 0-7, they are now more than willing and happy to learn from you.

This is the time to teach them everything — aqeedah, halaal and haraam, fiqh, all the things they need to know to survive throughout their life. Qur’an and seerah are also very important; as one prominent tabi’een said, “we learned seerah (frequently and in details) from our parents the way we learned Qur’an.”

Teach them sports too, Rasulullah (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Teach your children Swimming, Archery and Horseback riding.” They gain many benefits from it, including physical fitness, learning teamwork, and sportsmanship.

*The Final 7 Years
Once your children hit 14, they are probably already mukallaf (full adults Islamically, and accountable for their actions) — this happens at puberty, or at age 15 at the latest.

At this age, you are mostly out of the picture. Children achieve independence; their personalities manifest; they look more to their peers than their parents and families. During these critical years, befriend them, advise them, and do what you can; understand that they are now full adults, and the choices are theirs to make, right or wrong.

If you worked hard during the last two periods of 7 years, you will already be that trusted confidant, that advisor, that go-to person when they need help or advice. Be part of their lives, and advise them as best you can.

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The price of peace (at home)

Some write ups are indeed full of lessons , this one is not an exception ,Thanks Efe for this ....

THE PRICE OF PEACE  (At HOME)
By Mute Efe

Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the TV on therefore increases the television bill.

That attitude of his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in the marriage.

Then one day the Holy Spirit asked him, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of fifty dollars is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”

Unlike me, my wife is not a morning person. I can wake up by 2:00am, work till 5:00am, go back to bed and still get up by 6:00am and start my day. For my wife, I literally have to drag her out of bed in the morning. Her day begins only after she has had her bath.

In some homes, the wife is the one who goes to the kitchen to heat up water for the family to bathe. I guess it comes naturally with women. In my home, heaven help me if I wait for my wife to do that. I will wait for a long time. So I have resolved to make that my responsibility.

Even with the kids I will still have to be the one doing that in the morning because my wife is not a morning person. If that is the price I have to pay for peace to be in my home, it is worth it. We are talking about the price of peace.

One of my friends shared with me how his wife will never monitor the fuel gauge when driving. It is when the car finally stops that she realizes the car has run out of fuel. Guess who she will call? The husband. He will have to be the one to sort out the problem.

After several of such calls he had to find a way around it. He ensures the fuel tank is full at the beginning of the week which will take the wife through the week. That way he does not get any phone call that the car has stopped. It is the price of peace for him.

When I was working on this article I requested that people share some of the prices they have had to pay to maintain peace in their homes. I got a lot of responses that revealed that no marriage is perfect. The reason we see certain marriages as better than ours is because the parties in those marriages are ready to pay certain prices to maintain peace in their homes.

Let me share a few of the responses I got.

"In my home I just have to tolerate my husband’s attitude. He has this habit of talking over issues repeatedly. He can talk, talk and talk when a situation happens and will nag you till you fall over. So to allow peace what I do is try and keep my mouth shut. No argument, no talking back or simply walk away so that peace can reign."
-Onoh Omoyibo Osianene

"I usually don't turn off the lights in a room when I'm done using it. At the beginning of my marriage hubby will tell me to always make sure I do that when exiting the room, but after correcting me several times without change, he decided to just check back anytime I leave a room and will help turn the lights off. He just stopped complaining and started helping me do it. Eventually, I had to determine in myself to be more aware and I've gotten better doing that.
-Olubusola Awosanya,

"My wife has a thing for matchsticks. After using one, she keeps it for 'emergency'. This act irritates me. No matter how long we discuss this (more than 9 years now) she still does. So I decided to dispose them and then I offer her a fresh one should an 'emergency' arise."
-Joseph Shodunke

"I don't pressurize my husband to do or not to do anything, especially something he really wants to, or really doesn't want to do. Putting pressure on him will only irritate him. I keep quiet and I pray instead. That way, I have peace and also get what I want. On the other hand, my husband will always hang the mosquito nets, switch off the lights and unplug my phones, because I always sleep off. He has stopped complaining. He will do the job instead."
-Paulina Saviour Inyang

Those were just a few of the several responses I got about the price of peace that people are paying in their homes. A lot of other people were encouraged when they saw that they were not alone. You think you are the only one having an issue until you listen to others.

Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like for the sake of peace. If it is not too high a price then why not just do it and move on with our lives? Not every battle is worth fighting.

That is why it is important to be able to lead yourself because for these people whose reports we just read you find that either they or their spouses took responsibility for peace. That is part of what personal leadership is about.

I could have picked a fight with my wife for refusing to get up from the bed in the morning. Joseph could have picked a fight with his wife for that thing with the matchsticks. Busola’s husband could have picked a fight with her for always forgetting to turn off the lights. But personal leadership helped us to take the other route thereby maintaining peace in our homes.

Now this does not mean you will never have to correct each other in the relationship or continually be in endurance mode throughout the marriage especially when it has to do with abuse. That is a completely different matter. You don’t endure abuse. But instead of fighting over why your spouse always presses the toothpaste tube from the middle, why not buy a second one so you have yours and he has his and both of you have peace? Has that not solved the problem?

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